Then You Look at Me
by Emma-Lynn
Summary: REVISED!edited and a couple changes.Hermione's parents are killed and she runs to the library, distraught.Ron shows her that she has to keep going.PG13 for near suicidal attempt. Lyrics to Celine Dion's Then You Look at Me included.
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer: The last time I checked, I wasn't married, didn't have 3 children, wasn't filthy rich, nor famous. Oh, and I don't own Harry Potter either…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Lyrics of Celine Dion's "Then You Look at Me" either!**

**A/N: Ok, this is my _very _first try at an angst fic. I wrote this like five months ago and I edited it and changed a couple things. Ok…here it is…**

**Then You Look at Me**

She sat there. In the corner of the Library. In the way back of the old and dusty shelves, burdened with books upon books. Knees drawn up to her chest, arms wrapped tight around her legs. Lines of once dry tears were washed away by the fresh streams falling down her face.

Her stomach ached from the constant crying, but she didn't care. Her eyes were red and glistening. She subconsciously lifted her hand and wiped the tears from her cheek, only to be instantly replaced. Lying beside her, a pocket knife. She knew she wouldn't go through with it, but she took it anyways.

_Laugh and Cry_

_Live and Die_

_Life is a dream we're dreaming_

She glanced at the knife beside her again. She continued to sob as she turned it around in her fingers, not daring to take it from its case. It would be almost painless. It'd end all this suffering and hurt. It would be quick. But something inside her knew that this wasn't the solution to her troubles.

She clenched her teeth together and ripped the black case off the knife. She held the cold silver plate to her wrist. It was freezing. She shook violently. She took a deep breath and…

"NO!" She screamed at her self. "No, no, no , no, NO!" She lifted the knife from her wrist and threw it as hard as she could into the ground. _Why did they have to die? _She thought to herself. "Why?" She said quietly. It wasn't fair. What had she done to deserve this? She did all her homework. She never missed a class. She had over a hundred in every class. Hadn't she suffered enough already? With the war? So many people had died already, and the war wasn't over. It was at rest. It wasn't over. The Final Battle was yet to come.

She was seventeen. The year had been great. For everyone. Even Harry. Voldemort was still out there, only barely alive once again. Everyone had made a pact to live life as normally as possible. And they did just that. They laughed. They laughed so hard they _cried_ sometimes. They lived. They loved. She loved.

She glanced at the knife now five feet from her. _Ron_. The thought of him in the common room waiting for her only made her cry harder.

_Day by day_

_I find my way_

_Look for the soul and the meaning_

_FLASHBACK_

_It was a warm April evening outside. Hermione skipped into the oak front doors from outside for it was getting dark. She walked quickly to Gryffindor Tower. _Maybe Ron will take me out on his broom tonight. The stars are gorgeous._ When she entered, she found a very sullen looking Ron, seated on one of the scarlet chairs. In his hand, he clutched a crumpled piece of parchment. He didn't notice her enter as he was staring blindly at the floor. Thinking he was just daydreaming, Hermione leapt over to him and sat on his lap. She giggled lightly as he jumped in surprise. He gave her a forced smile. She narrowed her eyes slightly but cheerfully asked,_

_"Wacha thinkin' about?" half expecting him to say his usual "You." However, he didn't reply. His fake smile slowly slipped away. Hermione lowered her eyes brows._

_"Ron?" she asked quietly. He didn't look at her. "Ron!" she said again. He slowly turned his head to look at her. "W-what's wrong?" she asked worriedly. He took a shaky breath._

_"'Mione, I have to tell you something." She continued to search his eyes for something; a hint, a clue, anything, that would lead her to figure out what was going on. She found nothing though. Nothing but, pain and sadness._

_"Ron?" she said shakily. He took her hands in his._

_"'Mione. I got a letter. It's…it's about your parents." Hermione's breath hitched in her throat. "You see, there…there was…two Death Eaters broke into your parents home," She tried to breathe but she couldn't. It resulted in a high pitched gasp. "'Mione…I'm so sorry…they…they're dead." Now she really couldn't breath. She just stared at Ron, her mouth open. She needed air. She took a breath in, then out. She wouldn't cry. She wouldn't. She couldn't. Her vision slowly became blurry and she knew she had to blink, but she knew if she blinked, the tears in her eyes would fall._

_But she did. She blinked. Tears fell. Ron wrapped his arms around her and she sobbed into the collar of his shirt. He stroked her back and whispered comforting words into her ear. She had to get away. Where was the one place she always found an escape when she had to? The Library. She pushed Ron away and ran out the portrait hole, crying. She ran. And ran. She could barely see as the tears blurred her vision. Eventually she found it. It was dark, and empty. _

_She ran all the way to the back of the Library. She pulled out a small pocket knife her father had given to her from her back pocket. She stared at it and then crumpled to the floor in the corner…_

_END FLASHBACK_

Ron. She _pushed_ him away. And now she wanted him back. She loved him. She needed him. Now more than ever, but she didn't have the energy to make it back to Gryffindor Tower.

_Then you look at me_

_And I always see_

_What I have been searching for_

_I'm lost as can be_

_Then you look at me_

_And I am not lost anymore_

She gasped. Some one was coming. Again, she wiped her face to find it useless. The footsteps were getting closer. The knife. _It's now, or never. _Hermione thought to her self. She crawled quickly to the knife and stretched her hand out and seized it. Just as her fingers closed around the handle, someone grabbed her wrist.

"You weren't really going to do that…were you?" Ron asked huskily. Hermione bit her lip and then burst into loud sobs. He gently reached out and took the knife from her now limp hand. He softly touched her shoulder and she threw herself on him. He slowly wrapped his arms around her small body.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She cried over and over again.

"No, no, 'Mione, shh, it's alright."

"No it's not. It's just too much, and I can't handle it any more. I can't hold it in anymore." Hermione wept.

"Then don't 'Mione, let it out. Don't run. It may not seem like it now, but it's gonna be alright ok? You can't give up 'Mione. You have to _keep going_."

_People run_

_Sun to sun_

_Caught in their lives ever flowing_

_Once begun Life goes till it's gone_

_We have to go where it's going_

Her ribs ached. She felt sick. There was a retching feeling in her stomach and then her throat and-

She pulled away from Ron just in time to throw up on the floor beside her. She gasped for air and felt Ron move her hair and hold it away from her face. She coughed and then groaned.

"Sh, it's alright." Ron said. Hermione's stomach churned and she threw up again. She just stayed there, on all fours, panting.

"Alright?" Ron asked her.

"Sorry." She whispered.

"No, no, you don't have to be sorry." Ron said taking her in his lap and wiping her eyes and face with his sleeve. Hermione sniffed. "Come on now 'Mione, don't get yourself all worked up again. You see what'll happen. It's not good for you ok?"

But Hermione couldn't help it. She trembled violently and bit her lip as hard as she could, trying to prevent the tears from falling. Ron wrapped his arms securely around her as she burst into another set of sobs.

"No, 'Mione, that was a stupid thing to say. Cry, don't bottle it all up." He rubbed her back trying to calm her as she shook.

"'Mione, I wanna say 'I know' but…I _don't_ know 'Mione. But I can tell you it's going to be _all right._" Hermione whimpered. "Hermione." Ron said. "Look at me." Hermione didn't move. He gently took her shoulders and lifted her from his chest. She slowly and tearfully looked at him. He moved her hair from her wet face and wiped away her tears. He looked her directly in the eyes. "Listen to me Hermione. You aren't in this alone. People care about you, alright? I care about you. I love you."

When he pierced her amber eyes with his cobalt blues, she felt…safe. She'd been so confused and lost and shaken…then he looked at her…and she was warm. She was found. And she found that comfort she needed.

_Then you look at me_

_And I always see_

_What I have been searching for_

_I'm lost as can be_

_Then you look at me_

_And I am not lost anymore_

Hermione stopped her sobbing, though tears still fell, and took a shuddering breath.

"I know. I know you do. I love you too." She whispered. Ron enveloped Hermione in another hug, and she now had enough strength to hug him back.

"You can't…you can't hurt yourself 'Mione. If you died…I-I don't know what I'd do. I'd probably die too. You give me a reason to get up in the morning. You're the reason I live Hermione. _Promise me_ you want take that away from me."

_And you say you see_

_When you look at me_

_The reason you love life so_

Hermione sniffed and hugged Ron tighter as he rocked her back and forth, stroking her hair and continually kissing her forehead.

"I promise," she whispered. And Hermione knew that Ron was right. You need a reason to live. She was his reason. And he was hers. He found her. Life just keeps going, and you have to keep living…and loving…

_As lost as I have been_

_I'll find love again_

_And life just keeps on running_

_And life just keeps on running_

_You look at me and life comes from you. _

Ron felt Hermione's breathing slow to a rhythmic state. Not wanting to wake her, he slowly lifted her in his arms by her waist and stood up. Hermione stirred slightly, wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around her neck. She then fell back asleep, her head resting in the crook of his neck.

Ron slowly made his way out of the dark library. As he carried Hermione through the gloomy hallways, he passed Dumbledore. It was way past curfew, but understanding the circumstances; Dumbledore closed his eyes and slowly nodded, smiling faintly at Ron as he held Hermione. Ron nodded back as he continued his steady walk towards Gryffindor Tower.

"Daffodil," Ron whispered as he reached the portrait hole. He carefully climbed in and then walked into the common room. The only occupants were Harry sitting on the couch with his arm around Ginny. As soon as Ginny spotted the sleeping Hermione wrapped around Ron, she stood up.

She went to say something, but Harry touched her arm and gave her a mournful look.

"How is she?" she mouthed with a worried expression on her face. Ron looked thoughtful for a moment before giving her a small sad smile and nodding slightly. He looked at Hermione, then Ginny and jerked his head at the girls' staircase. She nodded her head and walked over to stand on the bottom stair, so Ron could walk up the staircase without it turning into a slide. He gave her a smile of thanks as he passed her and she smiled and nodded again.

Holding Hermione with one hand, Ron slowly turned the handle to her Head Girl dormitory. He slipped inside and walked over to her bed. He pulled her sheets back and gently laid her down. He bent down and softly kissed her on the forehead. He went to stand back up but found Hermione holding onto the middle of his shirt.

He looked at the now awake Hermione.

"Don't go. Please?" Hermione whispered. A single tear slipped out of the corner of her eye and rolled down the side of her face. "Don't leave me here. Just stay with me. Please?"

"Alright." Ron whispered back. He slowly slipped into the sheets next to Hermione. He turned towards her and wiped away the tear drop. She sniffed.

"Thank you." She said quietly.

"I'm always here." Ron said back. Hermione snuggled into his chest and latched onto his shirt again. Ron wrapped his arms around her upper back.

"I love you." Hermione whispered.

"I love you too."

_From you._

**-FIN-**

**A/N: I originally had Hermione's parents die in a car crash but I got a couple reviews saying it would be better if they were killed by Death Eaters and I went back and read it again and found that that did make more sense. Thanks to everyone who reviewed before and please review if you have before or haven't! Thanks!**

**EmmaLynn**


	2. AN

**A/N: I'm just adding this as a chapter so that the edited version of the story got bumped up to the recent update section! Thanks for reading and please, please, please review!**


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